What Is Love....

So many times, you hear someone say, "I love you" But with no real understanding of what Love truly is. I spent 7 years with someone thinking I was in love with this man. Now, first let me clarify, you can definitely love someone and not be in love with them. Today, I am specifically speaking on what love is. So back to this 7 year debacle; I was with someone for 7 years. I allowed him access to love one child and I birthed 2 extra babies just for him in case the first one wasn't enough for him... so 7 years... 4 children... a lot of memories... A LOT of lessons... But I questioned, was that love.... You see this man was the rising of the sun, the setting of the moon, the air to my lungs, the reason I did everything that I did... but was it love? You can feel all these wonderful things about a person, but how do you know that it is love? I mean we had sex, I brought gifts, remembered all the little details about his life that others don't pay attention too. I washed his dirty draws, I allowed his friends that I hated to come into my house and play video games. I paid bills.I loved his family and his mother and put them (him included) before myself even most times. But was it love? What did this man do... or what did this man say that made me "love" him so much.... As our relationship ended, the lack of respect that was shown throughout the 7 years reached an all time high... The women that showed their faces throughout the 7 years .... The lies and  the manipulation... The "u won't find anyone better than me" The times where he was diagnosed with STD's but my test came back negative 2/3 times ... The "pregnancy scares" from other women... The way that this man had complete control over how I breathe, talked, dressed, walked, smelled and smiled..... How could that not be love??? How can I give you everything in my world, and in the end we do not have love? I give u money, my dreams, my goals, my life, I cater, I make calls, I transfer funds, I'm awake at the crack of dawn making breakfast, fixing lunches, making snacks and leaving notes... "don't forget to take the trash out" .... Is this not love?? Sadly, it took 7 years and 4 kids, some hospital trips, a few bruises, a few court cases, restraining orders, busted windows, walls and doors, crying children and screaming mothers, a few "dumb b!tches", a couple fist fights, a few more "shut up while I am talking to you." a lot of "did u just hang up on me" .... One "daddy please don't kill him" ... and a night... a night of crying out "GOD PLEASE HELP ME... THIS IS GOING TO KILL ME" ... tears overflowing... pain bursting from within... a heart into a million pieces... Lives altered... For me to see.... True Love... The love that I thought I had, the love I thought I shared, the love I thought I was building.... was simply NOT REAL.... U see, I hid the bad by making up Good.... I covered up bruises with a smile. See I said, he will control this temper and when he does he will be great for me. For us. Until than I will wait patiently for him to understand.... The way he loves is KILLING ME.... but that night... that night in February when I cried out.. when I said "GOD HELP ME... There is King growing within me and I see now I cannot make it without you.... I cannot do this by myself... I cannot change this man alone God. I cannot do anymore to show him I love him... I just cannot win this war...." I stopped fighting... I started praying. I asked God to show me.... Tell me what love is... Because after 7 years, we have to have love, there is no way this is not love.... 

God's reply to me....

“If u give everything u own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but u don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what u say, what u believe, and what u do, You are bankrupt without love... But my child, understand this: 

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incomplete will be canceled.” 1 Corinthians 13 

What we were building… was a house on quicksand… That was not love… Love is not forced, deceit or manipulation. Love is God. Love is not disrespectful. Love doesn’t call you out your name. Love does not lie. Love does not envy. Love is not jealous or overbearing. Love is not forsaken. Love is not cheating.  Love is not crying yourself to sleep wondering where someone is and who they are with. Love is not fear. Love is not hidden. Love is no secret. Love is not sneaking off in the middle of the night. Love is not obsession. Love is not insecure or jealous.  God is love. To know and understand God’s love…. You will then have the capability to love yourself and love those around you. So before you, speak another I love you…. Question yourself, is this love? Or am I in a situation of convenience? Am I here for love or am I here because I have children? Am I here because we are building or because I am afraid of being alone? Is this love or are we stuck in a situation where we are miserable but don’t want to see each other with someone else? What type of love do you have, if you cannot love yourself enough to take the time out to truly understand what love truly is….. 

I Love Me Enough for the both of us...

I am perfectly aware of who I am n whose I am. My creator made me n his image. I'm nothing short of amazing n because I kno this I am capable of loving those who hate me. I can laugh when I am criticized n I can twist the hate into motivation. I am perfectly flawed n they are perfect flaws because they are mine I kno them n no one can use them against me. See I have learned that when u hate another it is more a reflection of ur character than it is theirs. So when I
say There is no hate in me that's exactly what I mean because I'm so full of love, hate has no room. If God created me n his image n another n his image, if I hate u I'm hating myself n God too. I love me too much for that. When u take the time to learn n love u, u will be amazed by the power u can find simply within urself. The power to forgive because u have been forgiven. The power to smile when ur world is crumbling. The power to laugh when ur critiqued n the ability to pray n love ur enemy. Now that doesn't mean that everyone is worth having ur love. U can love someone, pray for them n not associate urself with them. They don't have to be apart of ur life for u pray for them. It's like that family member no one deals with, u love them but u don't have em around or in ur business. Love urself enough to kno who is worthy of receiving ur love. Everyone isn't worth what u have to offer. Love yourself enough to remove urself from anything that doesn't promote ur purpose. If it doesn't help u grow, let it go. Don't settle for mediocrity when u have greatness within you. Love yourself.... 

Growth...

" You're so gorgeous..." "Your smile is so different" "You have a glow within you" "Something is so different"... Lately, I have been hearing this so much. My response is the typical, thank you or "really... well thanks" Not really paying much attention. Not really seeing what ppl were seeing. I have always believed I was cute. Pretty sometimes even. But gorgeous... Me... Gorgeous is Beyonce and em. The ones you see on the TV screen. Not the girl from SE with 3 babies with the crazy baby favaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa **pops tongue**... Last night I went to bible study, took a lot of notes. Pastor said something I have heard before but this time it struck me differently. Pastor said " You Gotta see it before you see it....You will never progress to the promise until you see it." He continued with his lecture... "Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world... the darkness of evil cannot dwell when you have the brightness of life (God) within you" Something kinda clicked. For years and  years, I listened to how ugly I was... How stupid I was. How I was this name and that name. Three years ago when I went to God and I cried out for him to save me. I cried out for him to save my son. I cried GOD HELP ME PLEASE. See what I did not know then was all I had to do was ask. What I did not understand then was the power of the tongue. Last night Pastor spoke "do you realize how much power you have when you speak. Life or death is a matter of the tongue...." I heard it before. It processed last night. I looked online at my recent pictures. I saw me. I see me. This me now, although I am very much a work in progress, this me now is most definitely different. I mean duh you're supposed to grow up and you're supposed to change. 6 years ago, there were less pictures of me. More of my children. I did not want to bring attention to myself. I didn't want anyone to look at me. I wore my hair tied under a pillowcase (I called it my muslim wrap) I didn't care for myself. I wore whatever. I said whatever. I had no regard for myself. My focus was solely on my children
and their father. I needed him to be happy with me. I needed him to see I did not want anyone but him and the only way for me to show that was to hid myself from the world. He was always very angry. Today, I am not that same person. I have grown to kinda understand life, love and all the in between. I am still making mistakes. My judgement is still off. Some days I don't want to leave bed and I just want to lay and around and enjoy my wine. But as I reflect, I see where I started, where I stood, what I have endured and where I am now and where I am going, this type of growth, only can come from God. I changed how I spoke. I am changing how I think. I am changing. The change started with my building with God.  Many don't understand it. Some will brush it off. But this growth can only be made by God. I am who I am because he is who he is. He saved me when I did not care enough to save myself. When my world crumbled, I mean I lost everything the person I gave everything too, the family I worked hard to keep maintain, the friends I did my best to impress. God took it all from me. Not to punish me. But to show me, all that I will ever need will come from him. As long as I have him, my new "glow" will shine brighter than before. My beauty is simply of reflection of God's grace and mercy. Without God I am nothing. God is moving within me... Thank God I don't look like what I have been thru.

<3 Brit Nicole

TWERK MILEY MILEY TWERKKKK....

So we are walking to the store. I am on my phone. The 5 year old is talking and I have mastered this art where I hear what she is saying and respond appropriately without her realizing I am not really paying attention (bad I know but she talks sooooo much there is no way I can keep up and still live my life). Then I noticed she stopped and she has her arms out in front of her as if she holding a baseball bat, her legs in an upside down V and her hips are moving from left to right. O_O WHAT IN THE SAM HELL ARE  YOU DOING?  "It's a dance mommy, is this dance ok Mommy" In a somewhat shocked "was this my 5 year old that just shook her ass in public like it was cute" voice, Where did u learn that? "Well, Demi did it at the baseball game and all the boys looked at her and the teachers laughed at her. But I knew you would be mad, I just wanted to show you then here is another dance, Beyonce did and she moved her legs like this".. "looking so crazy in love" she sang. I took a deep breathe. I kinda just gave her a weird look and I advised "no this is not ok. Ladies don't do that" "it's not lady like mommy" she asks. "If you won't do it with your daddy, don't do it" "OK I won't do it again". I didn't watch the VMA's. I had the preshow on briefly, ended up muting the TV and eventually going to bed. The next day the internet is going crazy. Miley Cyrus. Miley from Disney. She twerked her pale ass across the stage and right onto whatever his name is, Paula Patton husband, yea him. My girls did not watch it. Glad they didn't but after watching this and thinking about my own child, who knew it was wrong but wanted me to see it so I could correct her I guess, and then thinking about other little girls who do not have the mom to ask, "is this ok" or the little girls whom mom thinks it is cute and encourages it: This is the time to correct it. I have heard many opinions, "the white girl is trying to be black" although I am still confused by what is black about her bent over shaking her cheeks. My perspective is she needs attention. Her parents are going thru a divorce and she has so much money she doesn't know what to do with her self. She is lonely in a big world. Miley's world is crazy right now and what happens when your world is crazy, you can go crazy with it. Miley has turned to the media for the attention to heal pain much like the young girls who turn to sex/men when they want attention from their dad. As a parent, I feel like this is the time to teach our daughters, these people we look at on TV are famous yes but they are no different than you and I and are human. They live, breathe and experience life just as you and I do. Her galloping across a stage in a nude color bikini with her butt hanging and tongue swinging, is a cry for help. A scream for attention. We have to teach our ladies in training that, this route isn't the way to go. This is not how you want to be seen and this is not how you present yourself, not only for the world to see but for your family to see.

This morning I read an article and I wanted to share with you guys because it really worded this issue perfectly: From Mother To Daughter. 

I hope all mom's can read and relate and understand that this is something we all can learn/teach from.

Have a great day.

B. Nicole <3

EVERYONE AINT UR DAMN FRIEND....

In life you will experience many things. In life you will learn many lessons... The most valuable lessons I have learned lately... Be careful who you trust. Be careful who you call a friend and remember no one will have your back like you do....

Just think about it... Most of the problems you encountered have been because u trusted the wrong person, gave the wrong person the wrong title or u just didn't put urself first. I am not saying don't trust. Just be careful. I am not saying don't make new friends... Just be careful. and I am not saying to be selfish and put ur self first... Just be careful. Because everyone that is smiling in your face is not smiling to see you smile in return. Everyone is not put in your life to be their forever and everyone isn't here to be the friend to you as you are a friend to them... Life happens. Just be cautious. Don't harbor hate and live to please no one but yourself first....

B. Nicole <3

Just a few words....

Ok.. Just a few words that can make an impact depending on where you are in life.. I know there is an understanding that you have no control over who you fall in love with... There is nothing you can do to stop it or prevent... But you can control how you entertain feelings... So I just want to say a few words and leave them to meditate

"Do not fall in love with the potential... Fall in love with the person...."

Not everyone lives up to their potential but they will forever be the person they are. Some things may change but that person will still be that person....


Have a blessed day.

<3 B

Becoming a Parent...

At 16, there was no clear understanding of what it meant to be a parent. I knew I was pregnant. I knew a baby was coming. I knew the baby would belong to me. I knew that I would be responsible for her. Strangely enough I don't think I became a parent until later. I mean yes, I woke up with her during her infant stage, fed her, changed her, clothed her. I protected her. I provided for her. I loved her because well.... that's what your supposed to do. Love your child. But it wasn't until later that I understood what parenting meant. Parenting was really 24/7. I mean even when this kid was away from me, I still had to do a million things because she was coming back. Unfortunately my kid(s), which I  did not find out until later, does not come with a return policy. No exchanges. No refunds. No cash (or time) back. She was mine to keep.... Well this week, 10 years later, I had a like DUHHH moment. On Tuesday, Bri had a very important field trip she had to attend. Not only did she have to attend but she had to have a chaperon (she is the bad kid sometimes... it's a phase I hope) Two weeks ago, we called her dad. He said two weeks ago he would be there. He said two weeks ago he wouldn't miss it. She was too excited. My daddy is going on a trip with me. Well Monday, he texts "I wont make it tomorrow don't be mad" U see I expected it but she didn't... She texted him all Monday night; woke up Tuesday morning first thing she said was "did he call" Half awake I reply, "no response... and he isn't answering the phone" She walked away, I felt her disappointment and she doesn't know but I heard her crying. I didn't tell her but I was spazzing in my head. He was everything but the child of God in my mind. I wouldn't let her here me say it; I could never disrespect her dad to her. She is half of him. Disrespecting him is disrespecting her.... It 7:15a... bus leaves at 9am. No Chaperon. No trip for her. I start making calls. See I would have called out and took the trip with her but my boss sent me specific instructions DON'T CALL OUT TUESDAY... I'm thinking who could possibly go with her and  my last call, a close friend told me he could make it. AFTER falling to my knees to thank God for surrounding me with such great people. I rush her to school. On the way I tell her, Uncle J is going. Her attitude changes. Sign the permission slip she reminds me... I rush her off to school. She makes her trip... I make it to work. Uncle J saves the day.... Today, her sister graduates from Kindergarten and there is a photo of her dad and I and it was like DUHHHHHH this is what parenting about. See looking at the photo and the smiles you wouldn't know the details of our relationship. You would not know we don't get along. We argue at least twice a day and that man works my nerves and can bring out a side of me that you do not want to see. But I had a moment Tuesday and today, where I sat back and just took in the moment. I saw disappointment and happiness in my children. Tuesday, I could have reacted, I could have shown Bri I was upset and angry but would that have changed anything? It wouldn't make her dad appear. It wouldn't get her on that trip. I tried my best to find a solution and by the grace of God, it worked out. Today, although we do not get along a lot of the time, the smile my 5 year old had when her daddy lifted her up to take a picture with her parents. The excitement she had knowing "my daddy is coming to my graduation and Mommy u are coming to right" showed me this is what parenting is about. I could have said "well, I am not coming ur dad will be there and I don't like his a$$ blah blah blah..." but the bigger picture is... it's not about him nor I nor our failed relationship. It's not about anything else but the growth of these children and being better for them. If I do nothing else in life, I pray I continue to do right by the lives I have created. The lives I will impact most. The lives of my children. I could have success and money and anything else ppl may wish for but if I fail my children; fail as a parent, I have failed my purpose of being on this earth. Today, I am proud to be a parent.... 10 years in the making....