I Love Me Enough for the both of us...

I am perfectly aware of who I am n whose I am. My creator made me n his image. I'm nothing short of amazing n because I kno this I am capable of loving those who hate me. I can laugh when I am criticized n I can twist the hate into motivation. I am perfectly flawed n they are perfect flaws because they are mine I kno them n no one can use them against me. See I have learned that when u hate another it is more a reflection of ur character than it is theirs. So when I
say There is no hate in me that's exactly what I mean because I'm so full of love, hate has no room. If God created me n his image n another n his image, if I hate u I'm hating myself n God too. I love me too much for that. When u take the time to learn n love u, u will be amazed by the power u can find simply within urself. The power to forgive because u have been forgiven. The power to smile when ur world is crumbling. The power to laugh when ur critiqued n the ability to pray n love ur enemy. Now that doesn't mean that everyone is worth having ur love. U can love someone, pray for them n not associate urself with them. They don't have to be apart of ur life for u pray for them. It's like that family member no one deals with, u love them but u don't have em around or in ur business. Love urself enough to kno who is worthy of receiving ur love. Everyone isn't worth what u have to offer. Love yourself enough to remove urself from anything that doesn't promote ur purpose. If it doesn't help u grow, let it go. Don't settle for mediocrity when u have greatness within you. Love yourself.... 

Growth...

" You're so gorgeous..." "Your smile is so different" "You have a glow within you" "Something is so different"... Lately, I have been hearing this so much. My response is the typical, thank you or "really... well thanks" Not really paying much attention. Not really seeing what ppl were seeing. I have always believed I was cute. Pretty sometimes even. But gorgeous... Me... Gorgeous is Beyonce and em. The ones you see on the TV screen. Not the girl from SE with 3 babies with the crazy baby favaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa **pops tongue**... Last night I went to bible study, took a lot of notes. Pastor said something I have heard before but this time it struck me differently. Pastor said " You Gotta see it before you see it....You will never progress to the promise until you see it." He continued with his lecture... "Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world... the darkness of evil cannot dwell when you have the brightness of life (God) within you" Something kinda clicked. For years and  years, I listened to how ugly I was... How stupid I was. How I was this name and that name. Three years ago when I went to God and I cried out for him to save me. I cried out for him to save my son. I cried GOD HELP ME PLEASE. See what I did not know then was all I had to do was ask. What I did not understand then was the power of the tongue. Last night Pastor spoke "do you realize how much power you have when you speak. Life or death is a matter of the tongue...." I heard it before. It processed last night. I looked online at my recent pictures. I saw me. I see me. This me now, although I am very much a work in progress, this me now is most definitely different. I mean duh you're supposed to grow up and you're supposed to change. 6 years ago, there were less pictures of me. More of my children. I did not want to bring attention to myself. I didn't want anyone to look at me. I wore my hair tied under a pillowcase (I called it my muslim wrap) I didn't care for myself. I wore whatever. I said whatever. I had no regard for myself. My focus was solely on my children
and their father. I needed him to be happy with me. I needed him to see I did not want anyone but him and the only way for me to show that was to hid myself from the world. He was always very angry. Today, I am not that same person. I have grown to kinda understand life, love and all the in between. I am still making mistakes. My judgement is still off. Some days I don't want to leave bed and I just want to lay and around and enjoy my wine. But as I reflect, I see where I started, where I stood, what I have endured and where I am now and where I am going, this type of growth, only can come from God. I changed how I spoke. I am changing how I think. I am changing. The change started with my building with God.  Many don't understand it. Some will brush it off. But this growth can only be made by God. I am who I am because he is who he is. He saved me when I did not care enough to save myself. When my world crumbled, I mean I lost everything the person I gave everything too, the family I worked hard to keep maintain, the friends I did my best to impress. God took it all from me. Not to punish me. But to show me, all that I will ever need will come from him. As long as I have him, my new "glow" will shine brighter than before. My beauty is simply of reflection of God's grace and mercy. Without God I am nothing. God is moving within me... Thank God I don't look like what I have been thru.

<3 Brit Nicole

TWERK MILEY MILEY TWERKKKK....

So we are walking to the store. I am on my phone. The 5 year old is talking and I have mastered this art where I hear what she is saying and respond appropriately without her realizing I am not really paying attention (bad I know but she talks sooooo much there is no way I can keep up and still live my life). Then I noticed she stopped and she has her arms out in front of her as if she holding a baseball bat, her legs in an upside down V and her hips are moving from left to right. O_O WHAT IN THE SAM HELL ARE  YOU DOING?  "It's a dance mommy, is this dance ok Mommy" In a somewhat shocked "was this my 5 year old that just shook her ass in public like it was cute" voice, Where did u learn that? "Well, Demi did it at the baseball game and all the boys looked at her and the teachers laughed at her. But I knew you would be mad, I just wanted to show you then here is another dance, Beyonce did and she moved her legs like this".. "looking so crazy in love" she sang. I took a deep breathe. I kinda just gave her a weird look and I advised "no this is not ok. Ladies don't do that" "it's not lady like mommy" she asks. "If you won't do it with your daddy, don't do it" "OK I won't do it again". I didn't watch the VMA's. I had the preshow on briefly, ended up muting the TV and eventually going to bed. The next day the internet is going crazy. Miley Cyrus. Miley from Disney. She twerked her pale ass across the stage and right onto whatever his name is, Paula Patton husband, yea him. My girls did not watch it. Glad they didn't but after watching this and thinking about my own child, who knew it was wrong but wanted me to see it so I could correct her I guess, and then thinking about other little girls who do not have the mom to ask, "is this ok" or the little girls whom mom thinks it is cute and encourages it: This is the time to correct it. I have heard many opinions, "the white girl is trying to be black" although I am still confused by what is black about her bent over shaking her cheeks. My perspective is she needs attention. Her parents are going thru a divorce and she has so much money she doesn't know what to do with her self. She is lonely in a big world. Miley's world is crazy right now and what happens when your world is crazy, you can go crazy with it. Miley has turned to the media for the attention to heal pain much like the young girls who turn to sex/men when they want attention from their dad. As a parent, I feel like this is the time to teach our daughters, these people we look at on TV are famous yes but they are no different than you and I and are human. They live, breathe and experience life just as you and I do. Her galloping across a stage in a nude color bikini with her butt hanging and tongue swinging, is a cry for help. A scream for attention. We have to teach our ladies in training that, this route isn't the way to go. This is not how you want to be seen and this is not how you present yourself, not only for the world to see but for your family to see.

This morning I read an article and I wanted to share with you guys because it really worded this issue perfectly: From Mother To Daughter. 

I hope all mom's can read and relate and understand that this is something we all can learn/teach from.

Have a great day.

B. Nicole <3

EVERYONE AINT UR DAMN FRIEND....

In life you will experience many things. In life you will learn many lessons... The most valuable lessons I have learned lately... Be careful who you trust. Be careful who you call a friend and remember no one will have your back like you do....

Just think about it... Most of the problems you encountered have been because u trusted the wrong person, gave the wrong person the wrong title or u just didn't put urself first. I am not saying don't trust. Just be careful. I am not saying don't make new friends... Just be careful. and I am not saying to be selfish and put ur self first... Just be careful. Because everyone that is smiling in your face is not smiling to see you smile in return. Everyone is not put in your life to be their forever and everyone isn't here to be the friend to you as you are a friend to them... Life happens. Just be cautious. Don't harbor hate and live to please no one but yourself first....

B. Nicole <3

Just a few words....

Ok.. Just a few words that can make an impact depending on where you are in life.. I know there is an understanding that you have no control over who you fall in love with... There is nothing you can do to stop it or prevent... But you can control how you entertain feelings... So I just want to say a few words and leave them to meditate

"Do not fall in love with the potential... Fall in love with the person...."

Not everyone lives up to their potential but they will forever be the person they are. Some things may change but that person will still be that person....


Have a blessed day.

<3 B

Becoming a Parent...

At 16, there was no clear understanding of what it meant to be a parent. I knew I was pregnant. I knew a baby was coming. I knew the baby would belong to me. I knew that I would be responsible for her. Strangely enough I don't think I became a parent until later. I mean yes, I woke up with her during her infant stage, fed her, changed her, clothed her. I protected her. I provided for her. I loved her because well.... that's what your supposed to do. Love your child. But it wasn't until later that I understood what parenting meant. Parenting was really 24/7. I mean even when this kid was away from me, I still had to do a million things because she was coming back. Unfortunately my kid(s), which I  did not find out until later, does not come with a return policy. No exchanges. No refunds. No cash (or time) back. She was mine to keep.... Well this week, 10 years later, I had a like DUHHH moment. On Tuesday, Bri had a very important field trip she had to attend. Not only did she have to attend but she had to have a chaperon (she is the bad kid sometimes... it's a phase I hope) Two weeks ago, we called her dad. He said two weeks ago he would be there. He said two weeks ago he wouldn't miss it. She was too excited. My daddy is going on a trip with me. Well Monday, he texts "I wont make it tomorrow don't be mad" U see I expected it but she didn't... She texted him all Monday night; woke up Tuesday morning first thing she said was "did he call" Half awake I reply, "no response... and he isn't answering the phone" She walked away, I felt her disappointment and she doesn't know but I heard her crying. I didn't tell her but I was spazzing in my head. He was everything but the child of God in my mind. I wouldn't let her here me say it; I could never disrespect her dad to her. She is half of him. Disrespecting him is disrespecting her.... It 7:15a... bus leaves at 9am. No Chaperon. No trip for her. I start making calls. See I would have called out and took the trip with her but my boss sent me specific instructions DON'T CALL OUT TUESDAY... I'm thinking who could possibly go with her and  my last call, a close friend told me he could make it. AFTER falling to my knees to thank God for surrounding me with such great people. I rush her to school. On the way I tell her, Uncle J is going. Her attitude changes. Sign the permission slip she reminds me... I rush her off to school. She makes her trip... I make it to work. Uncle J saves the day.... Today, her sister graduates from Kindergarten and there is a photo of her dad and I and it was like DUHHHHHH this is what parenting about. See looking at the photo and the smiles you wouldn't know the details of our relationship. You would not know we don't get along. We argue at least twice a day and that man works my nerves and can bring out a side of me that you do not want to see. But I had a moment Tuesday and today, where I sat back and just took in the moment. I saw disappointment and happiness in my children. Tuesday, I could have reacted, I could have shown Bri I was upset and angry but would that have changed anything? It wouldn't make her dad appear. It wouldn't get her on that trip. I tried my best to find a solution and by the grace of God, it worked out. Today, although we do not get along a lot of the time, the smile my 5 year old had when her daddy lifted her up to take a picture with her parents. The excitement she had knowing "my daddy is coming to my graduation and Mommy u are coming to right" showed me this is what parenting is about. I could have said "well, I am not coming ur dad will be there and I don't like his a$$ blah blah blah..." but the bigger picture is... it's not about him nor I nor our failed relationship. It's not about anything else but the growth of these children and being better for them. If I do nothing else in life, I pray I continue to do right by the lives I have created. The lives I will impact most. The lives of my children. I could have success and money and anything else ppl may wish for but if I fail my children; fail as a parent, I have failed my purpose of being on this earth. Today, I am proud to be a parent.... 10 years in the making....

Being a Father ....

As Father Day approaches I just wanted to share my perspective as a single mother and what it means to me to be a father (for the sake of this blog we will pretend being a daddy and a father is the same thing)... I am not a man. I cannot tell you what it feels like to be a father. I do not know what it feels like to be a father. But as a daughter, I can explain what it means to me to be a father. I was born in 1986. My mother met my father 6 months after I was born. We do not share blood but to him that did not matter. To him I was his. I was created for him to love. As I grew, they went there separate ways. In my life, I only remember seeing my father cry one time. I was maybe 9 or 10. He moved with my grandmother after their divorce. He called me into his room. I remember he kept his back to me and he stared out the window as he explained he would not be able to see me anymore. Somethings had happened and mommy had decided he could no longer be apart of my life. I remember him turning to me and saying "just remember I love you more than anything you will always be my boo..." After that day, I remember sitting in the window as he picked up my brothers. Sad I couldn't go Sundays at 6, I would cry to myself. I would sneak on the phone to call him we would talk for hours. All about nothing but he would sit and listen to me talk and go on and on about nothing. Holidays were different. I did not have the excitement to run and tell my daddy what I wanted. I would have to sneak on the phone to call him and tell him. He would make deliveries to my school after we returned from Christmas break... until mom found out. She would take my gifts break them or simply throw them away. As I grew older, I rebelled. I was living in Upper Marlboro but I had to get back to SE. I had to see my daddy. I would catch the school bus, get to school and call a cab. Alabama Ave please. $70 one way. My daddy would fuss "she is back again. girl u need to be in school" I just wanted to see him and spend time with him. I didn't make it an every day thing tho. School would call my mom. We would argue. I'm almost her size now, I'm grown she cant tell me what to do. Life happened. I removed from my mothers home. Placed in Foster Care. I told my foster mother, I just want my daddy. and she made it happen. I would visit with my dad and then go back to the home. Go to bed and back to my dad. Only for a few hours. But it was better than nothing. He would buy me clothes and things I needed. My mom couldn't take them away. By 10th grade I was returned back to my mom. I convinced her to switch my school. My attention had changed from my daddy to my boyfriend. I couldn't be with my daddy but I could be with my boyfriend. I started getting into more and more trouble. Skipping school and running the streets with him. Talked to my daddy less. Saw him less. I still called when I could tho. I told him about my boyfriend. He laughed it off. I wasn't having sex at the time so as long as I wasn't having sex, the boyfriend was alright with him. Well that changed in April 2002. I had sex. Didn't tell dad tho. Didn't tell anyone. I got arrested shortly after. Put out of school after that. That August I found out I was pregnant. That was not something I wanted to tell Daddy. My mom called me every whore in the book and then she asked me "is your father, the father of that baby" I was humiliated. I was embarrassed. My boyfriend wasn't my boyfriend any more... I couldn't see my daddy. I didn't have my mom. I just had my baby. Right before school started, my dad came to pick up my brothers. Usual Sunday @ 6. I went out side. It was time to tell him. I stood on his girlfriends side of the car. A full hobo sweat suit 80 degrees outside. I yell thru the window "Daddy Im pregnant" He didn't believe me. Just said u lying. Ur lying. I lifted up my hoodie and the belly was there. His first statement "u know u fucked ur life up" I couldn't say anything. I just went back into my house. I eventually moved out of my mom's house again. Moved with my grandmother. I visited with my dad more often. We would go on dates. Dinner and movies. Shopping for the baby. My daughter was born he was the first one to visit. He told me "this will be hard but you can do it. I will always love you no matter what" My daughter grew and eventually I moved with him. I started working two jobs to provide for us. I remember getting paid and my check was $600 and I was so excited to show him. He looked at my check and said thats what u made in two weeks.... O_o... with pride I said YES. He pulled a check out of his pocket and said "this is what I made today" I immediately quit my job and returned to high school. I graduated a year late but he pushed me thru summer school and my last semester and high school. I started working again. Now that I was older, and living with him there was never a moment where I needed him and he wasn't there. Even if he didn't want to be. He is an amazing daddy, he gets on my nerves at times but he never discouraged me, never belittled me. Never made me feel less than what I was. He is an amazing grandfather or "dad dad" as my son calls him to my now 3 children. He taught me what it means to be a father and I am so blessed that he chose me. 

My daddy was the first man to love me unconditionally. He taught me how to deal with disappointment, how to handle spiteful ppl and what it means to be a father and love unconditionally. I not once heard him complain about the child support he had to pay. He always made a way. No complaints about time he couldn't spend, he just made it happen best he could. I'm sure there were times he rather not been with his children, but we never knew it. Despite the circumstances, he made sure we knew just how much he loved us not just with his words but with his actions. We were his main priority. Being a father is more than buying the latest clothes, keeping up with the latest shoes. To be a father means to be there even when u don't want to be, to teach lessons and instill values. To create a path for your children to follow and to ensure their future is brighter than they may realize. A father is the first man their daughter's will love and the man their son's aim to be like. A man makes a difference simply just by being a father.