I'm still here...

Originally written: 04.2013

IIt has been a while... Not that I don't have  much to say... I always have a million things to write about.... Have you ever found yourself in a situation where u do not know what to do? Your heart tells you one thing... Mind tells you the opposite. Prayers seem unanswered ... Emotions all over the place. Just because u feel something you do not have to entertain the feelings, right?? If something is so wrong, why does it feel right, right? Maybe God is trying to teach you something... but then the question becomes what? God what are you showing me because I am ready to take my lesson and move forward... Life is harder without guidance. God is your guidance... But what do you do when you feel like God has abandoned you? Is he saying wait... He didn't leave ... Trying to teach you patience. Life is confusing enough without added stress...until next time....  

My Stage

In a room surrounded by so many who love n support me thru everything...However, there are whispers as I walk by n all I can do is keep moving. Head up smile bright. No shame. Headed for the stage. When I get there idk what to do, won't know what to say but I just know that's where I'm headed. So the whispers won't stop me, the looks slow me n I stop...briefly... to see who's looking but I still push thru the thick crowd. A fight breaks out slows my path, I pause again. Gain my composure take a few more steps. They ask a million questions, "why does she walk like that, talk like that, she coulda walked the other way" Along the way someone grabs me we talk for a bit..he walks with me for a little while...He follows my lead but he should be leading me... he's cute nice but fake as the rest. No loyalty like so many others...  Thought he knew me thought he loved me, no different... I slowly back away... He grabs me pulls me closer... I rip myself from his grasps... Regain my composure take a few more steps. Headed to the stage...I have to get there.. I don't know what I'm gonna say when I get there, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just know I have to get there n I will get there soon. A few drinks spill on me, maybe some were thrown. Slows me down but I keep going... It's getting closer, the crowd is thick. I continue to push my way thru. Not easy but I do it. Security asks "are you ready" they were waiting for me. See I knew on this stage is where I should be. Idk what I'm doing. Idk what I'm gonna say. But I'm finally here at this stage n I smile. N take my position.... Front and Center....


** The room I stand n is actually not a room. The room is my daily surroundings. I'm surronded by spectators, many who pass judgement. Those who attempt to slow me on my path to the stage (path thru life) but just note how some things may slow me down but regardless I will get to where I'm going. All goals will be met...Regardless. My stage is my destiny, a place only for me designed by God... Only God can Judge me so who the fuck are you? Its love. Its life. Its mine. ♥ **

Originally written in 2009...