Thursday, March 2, 2017

Blended Families ... The 2017 Version

Blended Families... Not so uncommon today... Very uncommon when I was growing up. I remember my 6th grade graduation... Standing proudly on the stage to receive my honor roll certificate. I remember seeing my mom on one side. My dad on another with my aunts. I remember my blue dress and sandals that I was so press to wear. I remember being so excited because I get to see my daddy. I also remember hearing "suck my dick bitch" ... "Fuck u aint no dick to suck"... I remember posing for a photo with my dad and never taking a single photo with my mother that day.

I remember my Aunt Netta looking at me saying how proud she was but I couldn't feel that because my parents were broken. My parents could not stand as the unit they were. They couldn't even stand together in a single photo for 30 seconds in honor of their child making honor roll. I did not make honor roll after that. No more award ceremonies for me. I remember holidays with no dad. Him sneaking up to my middle school to give my presents. I remember my mother finding my presents later and destroying them. Child this was a broken family. My father would have a new baby. Never got remarried. Still single today. My mother would have a new baby remarry later. That ended in divorce as well. Still not married today. I never wanted that broken family for my children. 

I went on a search to create the family I never had. I had my first child at 16. I was so pressed for my little family. I didn't want anyone to take it away from me. I did everything I could to make sure it flourished. He had another child 13 months after our daughter was born. I was devastated. My family was not my family. He was just spreading his seed every where. I did everything I could to force him to accept our family. Even took the offer to move with our baby into his parents house. He rarely came home once I moved in. He ending up moving out unofficially, a few months after I moved in. I hated his son's mother. Not because of who she was or what she did but because I blamed her for my broken family. Not realizing he never was committed to the idea of us being a family in the first place. We were children having children, playing house. It was so much drama!! 

The first few years were rough. I would help with his son. I loved that boy. I always wanted a son. I remember he was a few months and I gave him water to drink. His mother was livid. I never wanted to hurt him; I hope she understands that I would never hurt her child. I loved him like he was mine. My sister's brother. I wanted them to grow closely together. She and I re-established our friendship. Our common denominator was him. We agreed to focus on being friends for our babies. It was great. We even took family pictures once. He would sleep over our house sometimes and my baby loved her brother. Eventually, I moved onto another relationship and not even realizing I created a distance.I lost my old family and created a new family. He had a new baby with another woman. I was NOT interested in blending families with her. Just raggedy. I distanced myself more. I wanted to reach out to his son's mom, tell her I was praying for her. I know she was hurting. But we were friends for the sake of the kids.  So the few rare times we did speak; it was about the children. 
Eventually my relationship ended.  My new family was broken. My old family was broken. So I was just going thru the motions of making things work best I could. 

My oldest daughter's dad re-established our relationship based on our daughter. He would bring his boys over to visit every now and then. Her birthday parties everyone must attend. My children, not their sibling but my two, do not really know their sister's siblings. But it is in progress. 

My experiences have taught me being a broken family means u can never be a blended family. You cannot come together when you are broken. Families only blend when the adults take the time to resolve/heal from their issues while doing what is in the best interest of the children involved. I appreciate my daughter's brothers' mother. We have figured out what works for us and our blended family. Kids deserve to be loved on from all angles despite the adults relationships. That's the only way they are well grow to be great. They have to understand no person is perfect but the image of perfection comes with maturity and working thru the differences in spite of the pain. I pray my children understand this. and I pray my husband (whenever he arrives) understands that, its deeper than babies in common. We are a blended family. A support team. This is the village. We have to love thru the adult mistakes, to create better humans. Its all about choices. So far, so good. 

I am so ready for the day of us having a Christmas or Thanksgiving together all under one roof. <3 

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