Thursday, November 8, 2012

Dear Death

Originally Written: August 12, 2009

I see you have made another visit to my neighborhood and the question is still the same... WHY? What made you want to take him with you last night? Do you not realize the pain you cause? Do you not see the effect your having? Please don't think I am disrespecting you, I have the upmost respect for you. I do not fear you tho because I know God is not through with me yet. See I have known you for a long time, I think I was about 4 when I first heard of you. You took Ronald away...(RIP RONALD A.BROWN) From then on you, you seemed to continue to make these unscheduled apperances and I am just so confused. Your ruined my family back when you took Grandma Johnson(RIP), we havent had thanksgiving together since. You showed your colors in Kindergarten when I saw them take Damion Blocker's body out of the building. I was so small but you felt the need to show your face then, again why? Then you disappeared for a while and SURPRISE u were back and Uncle Booker was gone.(RIP UNCLE BOOKER) Thanks.. my daughters didnt even get to smile at him and hear his laugh. Time passed... I grew a little and I guess you didnt want me to forget about you. Because in 9th grade you came and took Jerel with you.(RIP SEDAWEED) I know he didn't want to go. He had just asked me to do his hair so I know he wasn't ready. You disappeared again but then you came back of course, taking those away who refused to respect you I guess. Time passed. I grew more. Had a family. Thats when you introduced yourself to my family and all I could do is console them because I have known you my whole life. Its nothing I can do to change you. Your just so selfish.2003... I remember crying so bad... but not for me for my fam.. She lost her best friend and you didnt even care that he was coming out of school. You waited for him and as if it did not matter you took him with you. I cried for her because it was nothing I could do to stop her paid. (R.I.P Devin).. The school year began and I remember seeing Q and hearing the could it be true?! We JUST finishd summer school together laughing and playing... but they were right... Cheese was gone (RIP CHEESE)... U disappeared again.. Im assuming you missed seeing me hurt because last year. You appeared again. This time I tried not to cry. But you refused to allow me to smile. I made the best out of it. You hurt me so much and it begain to hurt my daughter 2. I tried to protect her from you but you finally got her. The great thing is her heart is so big and she didnt let you affect her, she simply said "Mommy Uncle Anthony is waiting on us in heaven."(RIP UNCLE ANTHONY) So I smile now to know he is gone and the worst thing that could have happened... DID and its nothing else that will make me cry like that again. SO I guess you wanted to prove me wrong and you came and took Lemonhead the day of my daughters birthday celebration(RIP LEMONS). So with tears in our eyes, we celebrated the life rather then mourn his death. You wanted to see us hurt, but Death Im sorry. You will not control my life any longer. And I stand firm in my position you will no longer hurt me and I showed that to you Sunday. The words came out his mouth so easy. But to process the thought was so hard. I didn't get to tell her how much I secretly admired her outspokeness, her strength and her wisdom. She was apart of my life for a short time but she impacted me a great deal... You can take her body but her memory is still within me. She is greatly missed.. (RIP Binki) and then again today your ass just had to come back...2 damn soon I must say. The phone call came to me and I couldn't even cry. I simply remembered our last conversation with a smile. Prayed to the above to protect his soul and heal the hearts of his family because I know the pain you cause all to well.(RIP GUS) You dont deserve to see my tears. Your simply delivering what God has requested. He wants his angels home... am I mad at you? Hell yea. Because if it was my choice they would all be here with me today. Living... breathing... laughing... enjoying the life they deserved that for some was cut entirely to short... So my final words to you Death.... I do not fear you, I respect your process. I just wish you would not take so many from me. Im saddened to say I expect your appearance atleast once a year if not more. I just wish things could be different. I rather had met you just one time and thats hopefully when I am 100 years old... I have so many questions for you... but I will leave them unknown. All I ask is you tell those you took with you, that I miss them so much. I wish the days we lived together could be relived over and over... But I understand this is apart of life. So Death continue with your pain causing ways. I just wish I had the chance to say GOODBYE.... Thank you for those who you have chosen to leave behind. Without them, I wouldn't be able to accept you.

B.Nicole ♥

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