Friday, November 9, 2012

Trial and Error: Learn as You Go

Originally written: September 8, 2012

Learn as U Go: trial n error ???

It's 2:30am n I'm up doing my nightly check... Doors locked *check* windows locked *check* each kid in their designated bed(the 4 year old tends to wake up in places she didn't fall asleep in) *check* As I walk thru my apartment, I enter the biggest of the two bedrooms n I run into this hurricane of books n toys n dolls n clothes. I see a foot hanging... Oh it's the kid amongst the chaos. **thinks  to self** Y can't this room stay clean?? 1) they are rarely in there (my bedroom is the hang out spot) 2. They have a toy box n places for everything... *thinks to self* maybe it's u. I walk down the hall to my smaller but equally messy bedroom... No dolls n books but shoes n mail... Paperwork n homework ... "that's  where that shoe is" n I realize that  maybe their room cannot just stay clean because my room cannot stay clean. See I'm learning that along with my good habits I'm teaching bad habits. "don't leave your dirty clothes on the floor when u get out the shower" I fuss. However this is only after I double check to make sure I didn't do the same. "do the dishes as u use them" but of course wash mine because well,  I just hate doing dishes honestly. I'm not Mrs. Clean n that's something I work on daily n it's interesting because my grandmother taught me "if your house is a mess your mind is a mess... Ur house is a reflection of u" n it took me to my childhood my mom was never clean ... She wasn't dirty but very junky n I never wanted that for my children. But unfortunately u can sometimes become exactly what u do not want to be. For me their messy room is bigger than a messy room. It's a reflection of what they have been taught. They have not been taught to maintain a clean room therefore it cannot be done. It took me almost 26 years to learn this concept. See there were a lot of life lessons I had to learn on my own because I didn't have that person to say, "Brit that's not how u do things " or "here's how u do this" cleaning was one of the minor things... Yes I had chores we all did but we didn't have the person to say "this is how u do this" We had the individual that just expected u to do n I assume Google (which was non existent as I grew up) was supposed to provide exact directions on how to or maybe it was supposed to be something that just came naturally. **shrugs** who knows. I just know neither worked for me. So here I am 26 n cannot maintain a clean room fussing at children that cannot maintain a clean room. Do I blame my lack of teaching or do I teach myself? Well ... As everything else in life... I'll go with option 2. Teach myself n ask questions along the way. No blaming or finger pointing I'm simply to old for that.... So as I stare at a junky bedroom ... I stare at choices I have made... The choice to learn as I go... Trial n Error is staring back at me.  I see two beautiful children(one is asleep in my bed but that's a whole other discussion) from my trial n errors ... Do I regret any decisions I've made... Sometimes ... But I appreciate everything I've been thru because it helped me to grow. It taught me life. It showed me the good,bad, ugly n beautiful. It taught me to face reality. When u don't know what to do... Pray n trust yourself.  Finally, it taught me that I need to keep my room/house clean because the kids are watching! =)

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